It’s the age old debate, should you drink when you go out.
Does alcohol fix approach anxiety?
Is alcohol ruining your game?
How to tell people you don’t drink?
The traditional pick up community view is that you should remain completely sober and never drink when you go out.
Recently, I have seen this changing.
I’ve heard many coaches advising for a ‘social’ amount of alcohol on a night out to not be weird and gamey.
Does it help?
YES! Of course, it does.
Alcohol acts as a depressant on our nervous system. Recent studies that have looked at social drinking among groups show that it can enhance positive emotions and social bonding and relieve negative emotions among those drinking. In gaming context this means
1) Less approach anxiety and more action taking
2) Reduction in outcome dependance and concern of consequences
3) Less of a filter in your head so your conversation flows better
4) Seen as socially appropriate and you fit into social norms
An added controversial benefit is that girls often want to drink with you to create plausible justification. Essentially, they want to be able to put some blame on alcohol for the reason you guys slept together.
This takes the responsibility off her and removes the feeling of slut shaming. I have literally had a girl buy me shots after I told her I wouldn’t drink. She not only bought me shots but asked for the strongest shots they had. She later admitted she was trying to get me a little tipsy with her so she would feel less anxious and have less cares about spending time together that night.
Now, this is something I'm very against. You can read my “creating a comfortable space for sex” article. The issues of slut-shaming should be addressed through storytelling or discussion and not through alcohol.
You should never have sex with a girl that is drunk. Morally I believe it is wrong, but also legally they are not able to provide consent with a sound mind so you are opening yourself up for possible allegations of rape.
Besides that, the sex is usually shit and messy, I would prefer a girl being comfortable to express her sexual desires while sober and be in the right space for amazing sex. Now that being said, I will often seed the pull with the idea of a glass of wine. Having a glass of wine does make a girl feel more comfortable and relaxed, however, it is more the idea of it and the social conditioning.
I have NEVER actually seen the girl finish the wine. They will often have one sip and that is all.
Now for those reading the benefits of drinking on a night out and thinking, DAMN how have I not been taking advantage of this performance enhancing drug, then keep reading.
This performance enhancing drug comes at a cost.
The first being financial. If you are going out a few nights a week and are going to exclusive clubs. The cost of drinks can quickly add up. That's money you could be spending on building a business, improving your lifestyle or joining our mastermind group;)
The other cost is the long term detrimental effects that drinking can place on your body.
You can often start to drink and not know when to stop, you hit a sweet spot and then go too far. You end up ruining sets by being drunk. You begin to slur your words, stumble around the club, over escalate, neg too harshly, or just end up passed out in the corner. Also, once you get home alcohol can inhibit erections, meaning that you either have bad sex or not at all.
These are the short term costs. We all know the long term costs. Even moderate binge drinking on nights out can accumulate to negative effects that we are all well aware of including liver disease and malnutrition.
These negative effects, although significant, aren’t even close to the real reason I think you shouldn't drink while you game.
The truth is, if you rely on alcohol to game then you will not learn how to interact with women effectively when you are sober. This means that you're the type of guy that becomes good at game situationally but not good with women.
You inherently have fake confidence on the night you meet the girl but cannot continue this type of personality through the interaction. This usually leads to a hard time having women stay around in your life once they realise you are not the same person sober.
What else makes retention of amazing girls difficult is that drinking really frames the interaction as casual. Girls will often see the experience as a drunken mistake. Suddenly, you are wondering why she never returns your messages or ignores you when you see her at the club again. This might be why,
So what is my take on it?
I DO NOT drink (at the club), and I also advise my students to not drink as well.
I hear other coaches say that it's a bit socially retarded and too ‘weird’ or ‘unsocial’ not to drink. This is also the reaction from most girls "OMG, why aren't you drinking??" *strange look*.
I'm going to explain why this is actually a GOOD thing and how it's going to take you to be the 1% of guys in the club,
I used to be self conscious about not drinking. I would carry around water hoping it looked like alcohol. Or, when questioned, quickly try to justify to the girl that I had to drive that night, or that the night before I got sooo wasted that I couldn't possibly drink again tonight. More or less I was trying to fit into the social construct and trying to meet her standards that she had set. However, this has completely changed now.
So, lets address performance first.
There is a relationship between performance and drinking. I will post a graph at the bottom of the article to explain this. It basically explains that as a beginner the more you drink the better and more social you become until you hit a point that you are drunk and quickly become much worse. However, as you become better at going out and dealing with your anxiety and experienced at interacting with women then this line quickly changes.
I am actually at the point that even feeling tipsy tends to lead to worse performance. I feel slower with my reactions, I don't like the sense of losing control, I actually feel completely inhibited.
I can honestly say that I have a better time going out now sober than when I drink. This is something that is learnt and comes with time but is completely possible if you spend your nights out sober and develop this skill.
You want REAL confidence. We had a student on program. He (Peter) was usually pretty social on a night out. He would drink crazy amounts of alcohol, become super charismatic, open huge sets. He would have girls hanging off his every word and following him around. However, he would quickly become too intoxicated and never actually pull.
We told him to stop drinking and guess what? He was crippled. He relied so much on alcohol that he could not even open. He was stuck. He has never gamed while sober. This was the type of guy that drank night after night.
So we cut his drinking down and started all over again. We taught him from the open how to interact with girls with a sober mind. Although initially, his game looked a lot worse, Peter now has far better interactions than he thought was possible. He still enjoys drinking but can go out and pull and keep girls in his rotation without the need to get DRUNK on a night out.
So, back to why its a good thing girls think you're weird. Anytime you can be unique and different from another guy and frame it as a positive it is a super attractive quality to any girl. You always want her thinking that you are different than every other guy.
When a girl says to me “OMG, why aren't you drinking?”
Keep in mind, girls will often not even believe I don’t drink. Almost every time I go to drive us home, if the conversation hasn't come up earlier they will often say “NO!, you have been drinking!” Or will simply not believe me when I mention it earlier in the night. The reason is they have almost never had a guy approach with confidence in a club while being sober.
I want to convey a few things to her.
1) I am an incredibly confident, social guy that doesn't need alcohol to be able to interact with others.
2) I am able to have fun and bring fun to those around me without the need to be drunk.
3) Other guys that are drinking are actually doing it because they are insecure.
4) I like girls that are able to be real with me without the need to hide behind alcohol.
Now, if I was to run through 1-4 explicitly it would come off as very uncalibrated, logical, and too serious, especially early on in the interaction.
Firstly, I treat it like a semi shit test and have a bit of fun with her.
Me: “Umm .. so I used to drink, like A LOT. But, I don't anymore… “
I bait her now into asking
Girl: “Why don't you drink anymore?”
Me: “Well, I used to drink a lot when I went out. But, when I was I out (just describe the girl) tall, blonde, blue eyed, Swedish girls, with a cute smile and white tops would try to take advantage of me. It was so horrible they thought just because I was drunk they could do what they wanted with me. So, unfortunately, I had to stop drinking. *Flirtatious smile*
She usually responds with laughter
Me: “Yeah, I know what you girls are like, I've got my eye on you”
This is a perfect example of flipping the script and setting the frame that you are the prize. This is just another small way to create the narrative and get her chasing you. Often girls even verbally fall into this frame.
Girl: “Oh, I see. I’ll be careful not to move too fast then”
Now once I have lightened the mood and created some banter I can move on to seriously answer this question and impose even more frames to create attraction and move the interaction forward.
Some girls might persist and really ask why you don't drink, either way, I bring it up again.
Me: “No really, did you want to know the real reason?”
Me: “Firstly, let me ask. Why do you drink?”
Girl: “Because I like it” (They usually give a low investment bullshit answer like this)
Me: “Yeah, but you don't get drunk at home on a Tuesday night, it's not just because you like it, why do you do it at the club?”
Girl: “I don't know, because my friends do and I have more fun this way.”
Me: “Exactly, that's the reason all guys do it too. It acts as a social lubricant. People do it to feel more confident and have the ability to let go and have fun and interact with others. I just find it so weird that in the most social environment we have, a club, is also the place that people are most not like themselves.
I mean, all these guys get drunk and aren't themselves, it's all fake. For me, if I'm going to meet someone I want to be myself, I want to actually get to know the person and I want them to get to know who I am. I know it sounds, crazy but for me, that's why I can't stand drunk girls. I mean look around, if one of these young girls that are drunk tries to talk to me I just can’t put up with it. I don’t mind if you have a drink or two but I just don't see the point. I mean even the sex is shit.
Girl: *She will usually agree, for the most part, some might be a little defensive and say something along the lines of that they just do it because they have more fun. In which case I re engage my point that they should be able to have fun while being sober, and there's no need to rely on fake confidence.*
Once they have agreed with you, you have achieved a few really strong things in this interaction.
She now realises that you are essentially the most confident guy in the room, that every other guy is actually being fake and not themselves. You have set the tone for the interaction that you want to get to know each other properly and not just have a superficial talk, this really helps for pushing through with compliance momentum and building a solid connection. Also, you have created the prizing frame and have started to qualify what you are after in a girl.
Suddenly you are viewed as unique and more ‘real’.
The girl will likely ask at some point if I drink at all or it's a clear no drink policy that I have. This is another important point I always mention;
Me: “I’m not super strict with it. I just don't like getting drunk. I mean if I'm at home with friends then, of course, I'll have a drink or two. I mean later tonight we will probably go back and have a few drinks at mine after the club”
Here is a perfect way to transition into seeding the pull. You can ask from here “do you like wine?”
Cool, well I’ll see what happens later but you could come for a drink with us. Do you like red or white? (Read the article on pulling for more information on this)
Hidden advantage at the end of the night!
Remaining sober means that usually by the time the club is closing almost all the guys are drunk and incapable of any type of attraction building. You are now walking around the club like a fucking superhero.
You are legit an immortal among men. All you have to do is not slur your words and you are seen as a better option than 90% of the guys in the room.
So there it is. The real reason I promote not drinking while gaming.
You might be the type of guy, sitting at your keyboard thinking you want to drink less when your out but don’t know how. My advice is to just start by cutting down, have 1 less drink each week that you go out. Eventually, you will be sober and killing it!
Of course there is a new learning curve and at first, it will be more difficult. But, just like Peter you too can become even better without the need for booze!
Among the coaches, at Ultimate Man Project we refer to H2O at the club as ‘PUA water’ as we really believe this small change to your game can make a huge difference.
The best example of this is our Residential Alumni Josh who pulled 12 times during our 14 day program.
In our new mastermind we have a 90 minute exclusive interview with him and what the 4 key changes he made during program that allowed him to go from guessing his way into pussy and relying on alcohol to being able to get girls with very high open to close ratio without drinking a drop of alcohol in less than 14 days!
Until next time!
Markus “Sober” Wolf