WINGING WITH WOMAN (PIVOT), AN INSTANT SHORTCUT TO SUCCESS
If you are after a cheat code to immediately improve your chance of building connections with amazing high-quality woman that you are attracted too, then here is how to do it.
I’m going to describe how going out with a female friend can fast track the success you are currently finding on your nights out. Creating this situation is a lot easier than you might think.
There are plenty of girls that just want to go out and have a fun night, and for the most part every girl loves being the matchmaker and helping guys pick up.
The benefits of having a friend that is female to help you go out and meet other women is incredibly underrated. Having immediate social proof with every set can do incredible things.
Firstly, it is a great passive false disqualifier. Everyone will think that you two are together and hence will not think you are hitting on them which gives you a chance to express your personality and get to know the girl without her having a wall up (bitch shield). You often won’t hear lines like
“Sorry it’s a girl’s night” or “I have a boyfriend/girlfriend” and the girls tend to be more open and receptive from the beginning.
‘Social proof’ is also one of the known attraction spikes for woman. The idea that their brain shortcuts their thinking to see you as an appealing partner because another attractive alpha female has seen you as suitable is at play here. So often just opening with your friend is enough to spike interest from the set.
Having a girl with you also removes a lot of safety objections like “I can’t go home with a stranger”, “you could be a serial killer”. If a girl can see you are trusted and respected by another woman it becomes a lot easier for her to trust you.I have seen interactions turned around with students just by sending a girl in to say “Hey, omg! How have you been, I really loved the party the other week. I can see your busy I’ll come find you later”.We actually tried to see how far we could push this, after sending the fourth girl in to say hi our student was dumbfounded and the girl he was talking to began to try isolate him! The only problem is when the guys start hitting on the girls we send in. Which is one of the first rules. ‘Don’t hit on the social proof’.
HOW TO FIND A WING WOMAN
Most guys will have a friend that they can go out with. It’s important how you frame it to them, they need to know why you are at they club and not just spring it on them after you have agreed to catch up. Ask the girl and mention that you need her help and it will be fun.
If you don’t have any friends like this then you can easily meet them out. Whenever you cold approach and you just aren’t feeling a connection with the girl, then feel free to become friends with her and see if she wants to help wing you. I usually do this that exact same night.
“Hey, you seem really cool, I really need your help finding a wife tonight *joking smirk*.
I then ask her how I should approach a girl and what to say. It’s important to give them some control of the situation and feel like they are a part of it. If you just tell her what to do and say she won’t find as much fun in the situation. She will just feel like this guy is using her to pick up girls instead of sharing the experience with her.
From here if you have had fun together you can share details and go out again. You can add value back by helping her with guys. I’ve offered to fix up girls tinder account, helped them reply to texts and of course approached sets of guys and winged for her in exchange. The ideal situation is opening mixed sets where you both have someone you are interested in.
Once she gives me advice on what to do and say, if its half decent then I will go along with it, otherwise I will discuss how we can come up with something better.
You will usually receive the typical boring inefficient societal norm advice of “be yourself”. However, we all know if being yourself was the answer, then we would all be doing well as it is. Instead, I explain that we need a way to get to the point where we can display our best selves and be able to share a connection with a girl.
Similar advice you will receive are things like “just go and say hi its easy”. I explain how this is boring and generic and will usually (girl and city dependant, but especially in a high social hierarchical place like Sydney) will be met with false objections like;
“I'm with my friends” or “I have a boyfriend/girlfriend” all the way up until “eww, fuck off”.
So, unless you are planning on meeting these objections every time you walk up and say hi then you need to find a better way to express in the first 30 seconds that you are not just another socially awkward and unaware guy that is trying to hit on them.
I basically start to give them a little insight into game.
HOW TO OPEN
The open doesn’t have to be too technical. Again, due to the social proof you will rarely be blown out and groups of people are generally receptive, so I tend to just use a situational opener.
“Hey, what’s with the music tonight?”
My typical go to opener however that I’ve always had success with is the “we just got married” routine (I’ll cover this in another post if you haven't seen my old infield)
An alternative in a general opinion opener “hey, quick question, we were just talking and wanted to know the best thing to say to a girl when you want to speak to them”, or anything else that you and your friend had been discussing that night.
If you want to open alone then have your pivot come in almost immediately with;
“Oh, hey there. I couldn’t find you at the bar, who are your friends?”
Then, introduce them as if you have known them for a long time “Oh yeah, this is Becky, Renee and Samantha, guys this is *insert pivots name*. You can also IOI or IOD here as necessary. If one of the girls is not receptive on the approach then you can say “oh by the way I'm sorry about Becky, she’s not usually like this, she’s just a bit shy tonight.
Or if you want to IOI and set a frame you could say “these girls are amazing, met them all in primary school, Becky had a crush on me for a while it was so cute”.
The girls might go along with this role play and it creates a good “we” frame and a fun plot line. The alternative is the girls laugh and look confused in which case you can break the tension by saying “Nah, I just met them but they seem really friendly (again, creating a frame), what are your actual names?..” then you can continue to smoothly transition from there.
I tend to always go into set with my pivot, it’s a bit silly to approach on your own and miss out on the social proof. However, an alternative is you can ask your friend to go open the set for you and join.
Now this depends on how confident and socially savvy your pivot is, if this is a girl I have just met in a club I rarely trust her with being able to do this properly. Although if it’s a girl I have known for a while then I will ask her to naturally befriend a set and then say “oh you have to meet my friend Markus he.. (insert DHV related to yourself). Then, she will either bring them over to me or call me over. It’s really important in this situation to frame you as the prize. If your friend makes it out that she’s trying to set you up with someone it immediately puts you in the chasing frame and it is difficult to build attraction from here.
Alternatively, if the girl is not such an alpha female, get her to go over and compliment a girl in set and introduce herself. You can then come in shortly after with “Oh hey, sorry I got your message I was just busy with some friends.” Then she can introduce you to her new friends and you can transition from there.
After the open you can then begin to talk to the girl you are interested in and let your wing occupy the group. It’s important to remember that due to the social proof you tend to have to do less active disqualification or IOD’s and can often start qualifying the girl and giving statements of intent a lot earlier due to that attractive you have already passively received.
From here I always have it prearranged with my friend on things I need her help with.
- DHV me to the group. That is mention that we are best friends, she has known me for a long time and loves being around me.
- Mention that I'm so picky with girls but that she is surprised because it looks like I'm into their friend.
By this point I have micro isolated the girl I'm attracted to just slightly off from the group. But now I want an opportunity to have some one on one time and remove that ‘club environment’ feel to make it a little more intimate to get to know her better. At this point I Isolate like I usually would i.e. suggest we get a water, move somewhere quieter where I can hear her better or go for a smoke. At this point I address the group but am actually just speaking to my friend.
Me: “Hey guys me and *targets name* are just going to grab a drink we will be back in two secs, *friends name* did you want anything”.
Wing: “oh okay, yeah I'm fine, I’m going to stay with these girls but don’t be long”
Me: “Yeah, I’ll come right back”
Wing: “Okay, see you soon”
Now this way my friend has already handled the objections and the group knows I must come back for her. As I mentioned earlier the group will tend to trust me due to social proof.
In this case I isolate for a short period and then say to the girl I am with “let’s check on our friends”. This again creates a ‘we’ frame and builds a lot of trust with the girl and her friends that you were the one to come back and check that everyone is okay.
HANDLING THE FRIENDS
Once I'm back in the group, I again will have my wing give a statement of intent and get the group on board with us being together.
“I didn’t think you would be Markus’ type, but you actually look so cute together!”
“Okay, okay, I approve of this, you guys seem so cute together”
Alternatively, I will state it and have my pivot reinforce it.
For example I might say to my friend “I have a question, this girl is amazing, and we have decided to get married, but we need a flower girl, will you do us the honour”. She will of course reply excitedly “yes, I can’t wait, will you guys be the bridesmaids” *look to friends*.
This now openly sets the frame that the girl is attracted to me and I am the prize, it also openly lets the group see that we are into each other and passively that they accept that frame. This means it will be a lot easier to spend time with her at the end of the night and removes a lot of objections from the friends, as they can already see she is happy and wanting to spend time with me.
When it comes to pulling I often have my pivot act as a matchmaker and seed the idea.
“I still can’t believe I’ve finally found someone Markus likes. We have to make sure he invites her back to his place.”
This is where having a very socially savvy pivot helps. She can deal with the objections of the group without me being there. Often if you create a matchmaking game where your pivot and the group have fun trying to get you guys together then the group will be the one trying to handle the objections of the girl. I’ve witnessed friends with amazing skills at handling their friends objections and encouraging them to spend more time with me.
It is also important to seed the idea of the pull with your target (there is a full article on pulling in our group) https://www.facebook.com/groups/ultimatemanproject/ , the pivots role is just to handle the objections of the friends.
Now when I actually pull, again you have to go to the group and gain their approval. This is always the case but once again instead of addressing the group you will address your friend.
Me: “Hey guys me and *targets name* are just going to grab a drink at mine and then I’ll make sure she gets home alright.”
Wing: “Wait! Are you leaving now?”
Me: “Yeah, we will go in about 5 minutes if that’s okay with you guys.”
Wing: “Yeah that’s cool, we’re probably just going to stay here a bit longer, message us when you guys get home.”
Me: “Okay, sure. Message us if you guys need anything aswell.”
Wing: “Alright, see you guys, and was really nice meeting you *girls name*.”
As you can see I have addressed possible concerns and objections with my wing so that the group are comfortable with the idea of their friend and me separating from the group and spending time with each other. From here if there are any possible objections which is very rare you can address them with the help of you wing.
Done in this way you will rarely ever have an issue with pulling.
Even having the girl comfortable with expressing her desire for sex aka dealing with LMR is a lot easier.
HOW TO ‘TRAIN’ YOUR WING
This comes with time. It’s important to have an open understanding and treat her like any other wing. At the end of the night make sure you thank her and mention you really enjoyed hanging out with her. Regardless is she blows out a set, makes you look bad or says the wrong thing. You must realise she was there to help you, so first make that clear that you appreciate her presence. Next, you can ask her what she thinks you did well and what you can improve on. Get her into the frame of giving each other feedback and being open and making this a fun learning experience. From here you can give her tips on how to better help out in the set next time.
So, there it is. A Cheat code to success.
Next time you go out invite a female friend and ask her for help with finding someone. Or if you meet a cool girl that you don’t have any chemistry with then help each other out and have fun finding a partner for each other.